“I can’t forgive them. You don’t know what they did to me.” How many of us have said those words? When we’ve been hurt, we often say forgiveness is impossible because it’s one of the most difficult things God calls us to do in our relationship with Him. But God doesn’t give us commands that are impossible for us to follow in His strength. So if He tells us we’re required to forgive others, there must be a way for us to offer forgiveness.

This week, we continue looking at Christ’s teaching on prayer with Matthew 6:12, 15. This includes a portion of the Lord’s Prayer and a follow-up statement Jesus made about forgiveness after the prayer:

“… and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us …”

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

(Matthew 6:12, 14-15 NLT)

That’s a very serious statement. How can we possibly live up to that?

There’s one sure way to bring forgiveness into our lives for others. We’ll discuss that in a few moments. But it’s also important to remember that Forgiving others sets you free from the shackles they’ve placed on you. Many people have said that refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. We take on the responsibility of making sure the person who hurt us doesn’t get away with it by adopting the pain they caused us as our identity. But your past is not your identity. The lie that was planted about who you are by someone else’s actions does not define you—unless you allow it.

But knowing that doesn’t help with HOW we forgive.

How do we forgive? I believe the first and most important step is to understand the grace we’ve been given by Christ. Like the servant in the Unforgiving Debtor parable (Matthew 18:21-35), we can easily walk through life forgetting what we’ve been forgiven from because we’re focused on what others owe us. We read that parable and think, “How could that man be so selfish and unaware,” but if we’re honest, we do it every day.

Did that seem harsh?

Here’s the secret: Saying we need to forgive will never lead to forgiveness. It’s only when we regularly meditate on the grace God has shown us that forgiveness becomes a natural extension of who we are. Forgiving those who’ve hurt us is impossible if our source of forgiveness is bitterness and pain. But if we become intimately aware of Christ’s grace toward us and walk in a transformed, daily relationship with Him, we will discover something incredible. Our adoption has allowed us to inherit the grace of God and share it with others.

In the fourth episode of the “When You Pray” Care Ministries podcast series from Brookwood Church, I’m joined by my regular co-hosts and fellow Brookwood Care Ministries pastors, Gene Beckner and Doug Wildman as we discuss that very issue.

What steps can you take to become a greater reflection of God’s grace? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

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Listen to the full When You Pray podcast series and read the verses as they’re posted by clicking HERE.

The Brookwood Ministries Podcast is officially available through the Brookwood Church App, iTunes, PodBean, and your device’s podcast app. Episodes from Care Ministries (including this series) are also posted on our Care Ministries Facebook Page.