I spent a good portion of my adult life believing I had no value or purpose. Not because others said that to me, but because I looked at myself through the eyes of shame.
What’s the difference between guilt and shame?
Put simply, guilt says, “Something I did was bad.” Shame says, “I am bad.”
Guilt shows regret for something you’ve done. Shame shows regret for who you are.
That’s an important difference.
Is your identity in Jesus Christ or is your identity in your shame?
Shame is an incorrect view of who God is and who you are.
Have you ever asked, “What’s the matter with me?”
That’s the subject of our latest podcast series from Brookwood Care Ministries. In this four-part series, I’m joined by my regular co-hosts and fellow care pastors, Gene Beckner and Doug Wildman to explore how we overcome a shame-based identity in our lives. In this first episode of the series, we ask, “What’s the origin of shame?”
We find the first example of shame early in Genesis:
The serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild animals the Lord God had made. One day he asked the woman, “Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?”
“Of course we may eat fruit from the trees in the garden,” the woman replied. “It’s only the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God said, ‘You must not eat it or even touch it; if you do, you will die.’”
“You won’t die!” the serpent replied to the woman. “God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.”
The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too. At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves.
When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. Then the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”
He replied, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.”
“Who told you that you were naked?” the Lord God asked. “Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?”
(Genesis 3:1-11 NLT, Emphasis Added)
Notice that the highlighted sentence above says they weren’t upset by what they’d done, but who they were. They suddenly realized their nakedness and hid from God.
Had they felt guilt for eating the fruit, they could have maintained their identity as God’s children and gone to their Father for help, but because they felt shame, they felt they had to hide from God.
A recent social media meme said, “Religion says, ‘I messed up, my dad is going to kill me,’ but the Gospel says, “I messed up, I have to call my dad.'”
Shame robs us from claiming our identity in Christ, forcing us to cover our sins with fig leaves rather than the blood of our savior.
Many people read God’s questions in the passage above as anger.
“Where are you?!”
“Who told you you were naked?!”
But I don’t think those questions came from a place of anger.
I think they came from a place of heartbreak.
“Where are you? This is where we meet. Why aren’t you walking with me?”
God’s love for Adam and Eve didn’t change. Their perspective of themselves and God had.
Regardless of their perspective, the consequences for eating the fruit would have remained because God is consistent. But Adam allowed His shame to affect his ability to approach God with his sin. It not only cost him the Garden, but it also affected his intimacy with God.
The enemy wants us to believe God can’t love us through our sin, that we need to hide from God. But the Father’s love is unchanging. He will deal with sin in your life, but don’t confuse what you’ve done with who you are.
Are you hiding from God? Is He calling out your name, asking, “Where are you?”
How have you overcome shame in your life? Help other readers by commenting below.
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The Brookwood Ministries Podcast is officially available through the Brookwood Church App, iTunes, PodBean, Spotify, and your device’s podcast app. The audio content is the property of Brookwood Church.
As a result of being molested in third grade and other wounds, I carried a deep seated shame that contributed to my sinful strategy of perfectionism. God has faithfully been freeing me from that bondage over many years. Most importantly, I can identify the feeling as not from God whereas before, I just thought I deserved it. Identifying correctly that feeling has made a big difference, along with many other ways God has assured me of His unconditional love. Plus, all my shame was put on the cross. Thank you, Joshua for your wisdom and vulnerability.
Kathy, thank you for your honest response and for sharing your story. Shame so often develops from the terrible things that have been done to us. God can give us freedom from that bondage, removing the false identity we believed and replacing it with a new identity in His grace and love. May the Lord continue to strengthen and reveal His hope to you.
Many people carry the burden of shame when Jesus longs to take from them and give them freedom. Thank you for this important message!
That’s exactly right, Tammy. God offers us freedom, but many of us stay shackled. Thank you for your comment.
Thought-provoking post. As an early childhood teacher, I cringed when a parent reprimanded a child for being “bad” instead of condoning the child’s behavior as bad. There’s a huge difference, and I wonder how many children carry feelings of shame into adulthood because of ill-chosen words from those in their life.
Thank you for your thoughts, Candyce. I think you’re right. A lot of people who carry shame or live in a shame-based identity have a burden of shame on their shoulder that’s been there since childhood. The words we speak to our children are so important.
Joshua,
First, although others have already commented, I must say, I especially liked your simple distinction between shame and guilt.
As you know, I write a fictional series where “Shame” and “Guilt” are the names (and motives) of demons that harass the young protagonists. Your post will help me as I continue writing.
Secondly, I was so moved by this from your closing, “don’t confuse what you’ve done with who you are.” AMEN!
Great post.
Thank you so much, Beckie. I would love to read one of your books with those characters. What’s the best one to start with? I really appreciate your encouragement.
Josh, love this so much. It seems that so many things take me back to the praise services at BRMCWC. This brought to mind the line from
“Reckless Love”
“Oh, He chases me down, seeks til I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine.”
I pray every single day for God to call my children by name and that He would give them ears to hear. Indeed, “Where are you?”
This one touched my heart, big time!
I’m so glad to hear that, Debra. Thank you. The worship at #BRMCWC was outstanding, and worship is a great way to come before the Lord to have our shame washed away. Worship bathes us in His goodness.
Amen! God loves us in spite of our sin, and shame. He wants nothing more than for us to come to Him, agree with Him about what He already knows we did, and ask His help to become better. God won’t shun His children, when we are truly His. If we succumb to shame today, then the first thing we need to do is wonder why we feel that way; maybe we’re not truly in Christ. It’s okay to wonder that; it’s not okay to accept what man tells you. I’m not proud of many things in my past, but my past does not define me. I am changed through grace. Well said Pastor Joshua. Thanks sir.
Thank you, J.D. I truly appreciate your comment. I think your statement, “He wants nothing more than for us to come to Him, agree with Him about what He already knows we did, and ask His help to become better.” Is exactly right. If our sin compels is toward Him, we will become more like Him in character and deed.
Thanks for this amazing message. I expect we have all struggling with guilt and shame and at times, have been unable to separate the two. Your wonderful explanation and examples make the distinction very clear. When you ask, “Are you hiding from God? Is He calling your name?” my heart squeezes–Just to know that He loves us so much and is seeking us out–even in our times of greatest need. Thanks for the blessing, Joshua.
I’m so moved to hear this was helpful to you. God’s love is greater than our fear, greater than our shame, and greater than the lies of our enemy. May the Lord continue to encourage you.
There are experiences in my life where I have felt shame. Most of those times were in my teenage years.I am 58 years old and still remember how awful I felt at that time. I am thankful God forgives and gives opportunities to seek Him again.
Thank you for sharing a piece of your experience, Melissa. Shame can leave a lasting mark, but praise God that He is the God of hope and restoration.
This is such an important topics to talk about.
We need to learn the truth about shame and what to do about it.
I agree, Dawn. So many of us sacrifice intimacy with God because we are living in shame rather than truth.
Thank you for the distinction between shame and guilt. Great points, and I especially liked this line: “Shame robs us from claiming our identity in Christ, forcing us to cover our sins with fig leaves rather than the blood of our savior.”
Thank you for your encouraging words, Julie.
I read an article earlier today about the difference between guilt and shame, which I didn’t know before. I think one of the best ways to overcome shame is by having a solid understanding of what Christ did for us on the cross. His sacrifice made it possible for us to be new creations, clothed in His righteousness. He makes us clean and worthy.
I think you’re absolutely right, Joanna. Understanding the hope we have in Christ is the only way to truly overcome shame in our lives.